Being "Mom"

The other day I had a realization.  Having a baby means being a mom, and being a mom means picking out clothes, making meals, and planning birthday parties for the kid(s), among other important tasks.

I know I'm not breaking any new ground here, but until recently, my horizon for this child was about six weeks.  What I mean is, I have spent a lot of time reading about, thinking about, and planning for the first six weeks.  After all, as parents we will learn a lot in six weeks - how to give a slippery-when-wet baby a bath, what the baby finds soothing, how to effectively walk the dog while pushing a stroller or being strapped to a baby carrier, what the baby looks like and sounds like and smells like.

But then I started thinking beyond six weeks.  And it got me thinking about the kind of mom I want to be.  So I started a list, in no particular order:

• Wise
• Fun
• Creative
• Easy-going
• Empowering
• Engaged
• Loving
• Kind
• Understanding

And then the list started getting long.  I got overwhelmed.  I thought, I don't know if I can be all of those things.  But then I remembered two things.  First, God gave us this child.  Not just any child.  This one.  And he did it for a reason - hopefully that means that we will be uniquely suited to be the kind of parents this child needs and deserves.

Second, when we screw up, when we are not "uniquely suited" and are more just average people who get angry and overwhelmed and careless and thoughtless, there is grace for that.  What a gift.  After all, in the same way that God is molding and shaping me and Alex into the people he designed us to be, he will do the same thing for this child.  God will mold the child - we are just the tools he chose to use.

24ish weeks

Even though I'm 26 weeks along now (third trimester, here we come - eek!), I still wanted to post some bump updates from the last few weeks.

This was when Alex came to visit for my birthday two weeks ago:

And this was at work one day - Leonidas and Herbie are getting along already!  What a good big brother :)

Nesting

I think I am starting to nest.  You know, the process parents-to-be are supposed to go through to prepare their home for the newest, tiniest member of the family.  I'll admit, I was a little intimidated by "designing" a nursery.  I didn't have a vision in my mind, or a theme to stick with.  I needed inspiration, and I've finally found it, in two ways.

First, today I went shopping with my creative, design-savvy friend Katie, and we found some awesome art for the nursery walls!  Art is great, because it will guide the colors of walls, sheets, curtains, etc.  See what you think!

We've got a slightly more sophisticated ABCs poster (still needs a frame) for one spot:

Each letter comes with an uplifting phrase:

And some cute animals to go with it!

I love these, because we've got lots of color choices for the walls (the animals have more colors than you can see in that picture), it's cute and baby-ish and sweet, and it will blend well with the rest of our stuff.

My second source of inspiration was a conversation with my mom about books I liked as a child.  I remembered some (The Hungry Caterpillar and The Velveteen Rabbit) and she reminded me of other favorites (Old Bear and Corduroy).  I got me excited to put these books on the shelves of the nursery, and I started thinking about the baby's room as more than a collection of furniture.  I'm beginning to see a special space where we can spend time together, where we can read these classic stories to our child and have some peace and quiet away from the bussle of our lives.

Refocus

Today I really needed to take a minute to refocus.  I found myself getting bogged down in something small, something I should have let roll off my back but I didn't.  I mulled over it.  I worried about it.  I woke up thinking about it.  Does that ever happen to you?

And so I needed to refocus.  Recalibrate.  Remember what's important and what, really, is not.  There is nothing like baby kicking in your belly to remind you of that, and last night, the baby was having his/her very own boxing match or something, because there was A LOT of kicking and punching.  It was almost like the baby was reminding me of itself, and of what his/her arrival into the world will mean for our family.

It was a reminder that this small thing that was weighing on me was indeed a very small thing compared to the new life we are bringing into this world.  A whole new person will be born, with quirks and personality traits and likes and dislikes all their own, and God has given us the responsibility of caring for this little person while he/she is little and then teaching him/her how to live as they grow up.  And that is infinitely bigger than any small thing weighing on my mind today.

Things I won't miss about being pregnant

As my third trimester approaches (yikes!) and I get bigger and more uncomfortable, I'm sure this list is going to get longer.  Also, compares to many women, including some of my friends, my list is super short.  I have been incredibly blessed with an easy pregnancy, but that doesn't mean it hasn't had its downsides...

1. Acne - there is very little you are allowed to do while pregnant to keep your skin clear.  No effective prescriptions, no over-the-counter treatments, not even certain face washes.  And if, like me, that pregnancy "glow" just translates into extra oily skin, it causes problems in the skin department.
2. Super-charged emotions - this is for real, man.  I don't think I necessarily lose it for no reason (although you'd have to ask Alex to know for sure), but when I do get sad or frustrated or angry, it seems to be...amplified.  And more difficult to control.  Not a welcome combination.
3. Limited sleep positions - once you get into your fifth month or so, you're really only supposed to sleep on your side.  Ideally, it would be your left side.  I actually have gotten ear aches from only sleeping on my left side.  A body pillow can help with this, but I'll look forward to flopping into bed however I feel like it.
4. Increasingly difficult to move - this applies to sleeping (I actually have to support my belly to roll over), bending down (to pick up dog poop for example), sitting for long period of time at work or in the car (my ribs are starting to dig in quite uncomfortably), and walking quickly (I get a side stitch like I just ate dinner and decided to play soccer...just from walking quickly).

I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's what sticks out right now.  But don't worry, the list of things I will miss is way longer :)

23 weeks

Friday I went to the doctor and got to have another ultrasound!  Because of the baby's position last month, they weren't able to get a good picture of the whole spine, which meant this month, we got another look!

Heartbeat: 154 beats/minute, Weight: 1 lb, 4 oz

This time, the baby had his/her hands up by his/her face, in a little praying pose.  We got a good look at the baby kicking and moving around, which was really fun.  In terms of development, he/she is increasingly able to hear sounds and sense movement, so I try to sing in the car and dance in my house often :)

My next appointment is important - I get tested for anemia and gestational diabetes, so we're praying that all of that goes really well!

Bump update - 22 weeks!

Our little munchkin is 22 weeks old today :)  It's been 5 weeks since my last bump picture, so it's time for an update.  I took these on my phone getting ready for work this morning (with Alex in VA, I had to improvise) but I think you'll notice the difference...